7 Things 2012 Will Probably Bring Us

Yeah, this could get awkward.

2012′s equivalent of planking. 2011 was a great year for bizarre Internet memes. Chances are you’re familiar with planking, Tebowing, and perhaps even the lesser known owling. Just like with all Internet trends, either you get it or you don’t. Here at stantonmartindotcom we’re pretty heavily entrenched in the “don’t” camp, but that doesn’t stop us from blogging about it. What will 2012 hold for eager Internet attention seekers? I imagine some logical evolution of planking such as spanking, flanking, or tanking.

A new or slightly used President. It’s that time again folks, that’s right– election year. I know you’re probably thinking, “Wait, didn’t we do this like 3 years ago?” Yes, yes– we did. Last go ’round we had to choose between a young and inexperienced Senator who had served just 3 years of his first term, and any old Republican that didn’t remind us of George W. Bush. This go ’round we get to choose between that former Senator whose presidency has been labeled by many as “failed” and “out of touch” and any old Republican that doesn’t remind us of George W. Bush. (Sorry, Rick) If nothing else, at least we’re guaranteed a slightly more watchable few months of SNL.

Jokes about “accidentally falling into things.” I’m sure you’ve heard about that Italian cruise ship that got a little too friendly with some coastal rocks and ended up pregnant listing. The captain of the ship was arrested and charged with several counts of manslaughter and abandoning ship, which, it was noted, was the more serious of the charges. I guess that’s sea law for you. The captain made a statement that he did not abandon his ship, but rather that he accidentally fell into a lifeboat, and could not get out. Here’s a quick list of things people usually fall into:

• Love
• Wells
• Depression
• Sin

Lifeboats not on that list so much. So, yeah, expect a lot of jokes that follow that structure. Example: “I didn’t abandon my diet, I slipped and fell into this delicious restaurant.” – Zack Owens

The end of Community, 30 Rock, and The Office, and my desire to watch TV. I’m not saying it’s what I want to happen, only that it probably will. NBC is to be given credit for ushering in a new era of sit-coms to network television. The single camera approach to filming helped add a fast paced and edgy feel to shows such as 30 Rock and Community, while the documentary style of shows such as The Office and Parks and Recreation has opened up many new comedic avenues and successfully blended a reality-TVesque feel to scripted comedies. All of these shows have gone on to receive great praise from critics while only a few have really achieved commercial success.

Unfortunately, ratings are what drive network television, and that’s why we’ve seen a return to more “traditional” comedies on NBC such as Whitney and Are You There, Chelsea? Multi-camera shows with laugh tracks to boot. Somehow CBS has found success with this format, and it seems NBC is desperate for any show that can bring it’s ratings back to the days of Friends. I, for one, would rather live in a world without network television than one filled with tired Two and a Half Men clones.

You reading the the best fortune cookie fortune that should end ‘in bed’. 

You're welcome.

Death. We’re all going to die. How do I know, you ask. Well, some ancient Mayan’s Dilbert day calendar runs out of pages on December 23, 2012, that’s how. Do you ever feel like humans, as a species, actually want to die? Doesn’t it seem as if there’s always some made-up scenario that ends in the extinction of man lurking behind the corner of every decade– Y2K, the rapture, global warming, the Cuban Missile Crisis. I blame Michael Bay for our inability to be content with a life without the threat of global extinction. I also blame him for all three Transformer movies.

The first 7 Things post without a seventh thing. Except it sort of does have a seventh thing because this is the seventh thing. That’s what we call a loophole, folks. Or perhaps a disruption in the time/space continuum. I never paid attention in science class; so I’m not entirely sure what that is. For all of you claiming that this is just lazy writing– you’re not totally not correct about that. You can’t really claim that I’m a lazy writer after throwing that double negative in there. Well, you could, because originally it was going to be a quadruple negative, but then I got confused and gave up.

This post was originally scheduled for the New Year, but has since been updated with brand new things for 2012! (because things have already happened in 2012, this makes it look like I’m a bit of a prophet [but not a profit, that's a different thing])

Gimme a bajillion follows for my birthday/Tu B’Shevat! 

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